Amends
by april12b
Summary: Dean is trying to make amends before he kills himself. Tag to s14 episode 11, "Damaged Goods". Please forgive me for the unintentional mistakes. Please review...


After Billy left Dean with that mind-boggling news about his end and Michael's escape, he could agree on one thing that if anyone tells you that he or she can show you the future, just turn around and leave. It's not worth it. With Michael trying to shell shock his nogging, it was not that easy for him to think about his next step, let alone make a decision. But with no sleep in sight and the knowledge of what could Michael do if he breaks free, left him with no other choice. "I have to do it. And Sam can't know anything about this", Dean made up his mind with a new-found conviction. He's going to visit his mother, build a Malack box, pay a little hush-money and will be long gone from everybody before anyone realizes anything about it. He thought, "so this is how it ends, huh? Sammy's going to be pissed. He has every right to be but what can I do? He just has to ride it out."

Next morning, Sam was wake before everybody like always but instead of going on a run, he went straight for the books. He knows very well what an archangel can do that's driving your wheel. He was just starting with the "Book of Jubilee" when Dean came to the library.

"Hey, how you feeling?"

Dean dodged the question, "there's no point in lying", he thought. So he asked one question that can change the subject and turn the focus on something else, "what're you reading?" Sam instantly knew that he's "keep your crap to yourself" brother is not doing well. But he also knew that nothing good can come out of it if he tries to pursue it more. Therefore, he indulged into his brother's obvious distraction to avoid the subject, "going back to the Book of Jubilees. The way they classify angels, it's really interesting."

Dean knew his ever-optimistic brother wouldn't find anything there. His fate is sealed but he couldn't let it show, not to his brother. It would give away the ending. He drily smiled thinking about it, "find anything on Michael?"

It was clear as daylight to Sam. His brother was hurting. He was more determined to see this through. He said, "Not yet, but I just started…" He could see the aloofness in his brother's eyes, "we'll find a way." he truly believed that. He had to.

"Man, I appreciate it, you know you trying", he was sad and happy all at the same time. Sammy always comes through for him, even when he's hurting himself. For the past couple of months, Sam was working himself too much and now, this! He felt a lump in his throat. "Getting emo there, are we?" Dean thought to himself.

Sam wanted to see his old Dean who sometimes can be younger than he is. He wanted to see the confident butthead who believed that he'll always win, no matter what, not this broken shell of a man. So he did the only thing he could to take his brother's mind off of things. He offered Dean to do research with him. To his surprise, Dean said, "yeah, okay."

"Last chance to be with my brother, shouldn't waste it, no matter how boring it is", Dean considered for a moment. He pulled the chair opposite Sam's and dragged a heavy book towards him with no intention to actually read it. Some silent time passed and the air around him turned toxic. It was not that easy for him to imagine the fact that this was the last time he was going to see Sam. He felt guilty for doing this without telling him. He knew what would do that to Sammy. He started moving restlessly on his sit and Sam raised his eyes from the book and asked, "you okay?"

Dean tried to look anywhere but not into Sam's eyes, "I wanted to apologize to you, you know. I shouldn't have let you get possessed by Gadreel, I'm really sorry, you know that right?"

Sam was genuinely surprised now. Out of all the things, he never thought that Dean would apologize, at least not for that. Something's wrong, he asked, quite bewildered, "where did that come from?"

Dean, now looked straight right into his eyes, "you know, Michael driving your bus can set somethings in line." He waited for Sam to talk but when no answer came from the other side, he once again changed his position and spoke, "I should have never done that to you know. I had no right. I never quite managed to make that up for you. And, now that I know what possession feels, I just…"

He was cut off by a chuckle. He was stunned to see Sam smiling. He was expecting anything but smile. He recoiled and thought, "does he think I'm joking? Or am I not even worthy of apologizing?"

When Dean was thinking these, Sam spoke, "Come on dude! It's in the past. I have forgiven you a long time ago. Besides, you saved my life! So there's that."

"Yeah and it cost you your everything, literally!" Admitting that to himself was one thing but confessing that to Sam left him bitter.

Sam thought, "no, joking is not going to ease my guilt-ridden brother's mind." So Sam pushed his chair closer to the table and to his big brother, slouched down to meet his eyes and said, "Everything has a price, Dean. You of all people know that. But I'm here, aren't I? That's because you didn't give up on me. I'm sorry that you had to experience it, getting possessed. I would give anything just so you don't have to go through that. But I promise you one thing. Michael is not going to be in there for a long time. We'll find a way. We always do."

Dean was filled with pride. The man before him, who was consoling him, was his little brother. He raised him. He started to feel a little light at that thought. Although he didn't believe that there's a way out for him, not this time, he said, "yeah, I know."

Sam leaned on the backrest of the chair and seeing his brother relaxed a little bit, he said. "Do wanna continue with that?", pointing to the book.

Dean slammed the book shut and said, "actually, I thought I'd go for a drive, you know? Just me and my Baby…"

The End

Notes:

I am very grateful to all of you who are reading (if anyone reads it). Hope, you've enjoyed it. If not, I'm sorry. Please let me know what you think in the comments...


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